dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize