turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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