pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
