i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
