You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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