I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize