I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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