We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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