it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's shark week go big or go home
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
