Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
