i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
