An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
