Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
