So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
