i don't like sucking hair
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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