Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
