Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
