I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
handjob tips. give me some.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
