I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
