I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
