I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
