So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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