I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
