Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
