she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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