i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
