Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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