Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
