Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
