Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
