I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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