Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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