if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
