I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
