the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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