It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
