There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
