So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
