obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
