I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
