3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
