Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
