omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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