I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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