STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
