if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
