I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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