My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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