dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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