The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
