i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
