I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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