Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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