I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
