I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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