i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
