I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
