apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
