i already hear my dad disowning me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
