I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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