YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
