No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
