dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
