I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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