I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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