Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
