By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
