ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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