At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
