Will you blow on my dice?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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