walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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