you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
